1. They say that when a man holds a woman’s hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage it is self-defense

2. It is difficult to understand GOD. He makes such beautiful things as women..and then he turns them into Wives !!!!

3. Q: What is the difference between a woman and a magnet?
A: Magnets have a positive side!

4. It’s funny when people discuss LOVE MARRIAGE Vs ARRANGED.

5. It’s like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered

6. A person who surrenders when he’s WRONG, is HONEST.

7. A person who SURRENDERS when not SURE, is WISE..

8. A person who surrenders even if he’s RIGHT, is a HUSBAND.!

     Computer:

1. If you messed up your life, you could press “Alt, Ctrl, Delete” and start all over!

2. To get your daily exercise, just click on “run”!

3. If you needed a break from life, click on “suspend”.

4. Hit “any key” to continue life when ready.

5. To get even with the neighbors, turn up the sound blaster.

6. To “add/remove” someone in your life, click settings and control panel.

7. To improve your appearance, just adjust the display settings.

8. If life gets too noisy, turn off the speakers.

9. When you lose your car keys, click on “find”.

10. “Help” with the chores is just a click away.

11. You’d use your diskette to recover from a crash.

12. We could click on “send” and the kids would go to bed immediately.

13. To feel like a new person, click on “refresh”.

14. Click on “close” to shut up the kids and spouse.

15. To undo a mistake, click on “back”.

16. Is your wardrobe getting old? Click “update”.

17. If you don’t like cleaning the litter box, click on “delete”.

      Professors:

1. prof. of Computer Science: A kiss is a few bits of love compiled into a byte.

2. Prof. of Algebra: A kiss is two divided by nothing.

3. Prof. of Geometry: A kiss is the shortest distance between two straight lines.

4. Prof. of Physics: A kiss is the contraction of mouth due to the expansion of the heart.

5. Prof. of Chemistry: A kiss is the reaction of the interaction between two hearts.

6. Prof. of Zoology: A kiss is the interchange of unisexual salivary bacteria.

7. Prof. of Physiology: A kiss is the juxtaposition of two orbicular ors muscles in the state of contraction.

8. Prof. of Dentistry: A kiss is infectious and antiseptic.

9. Prof. of Accountancy: A kiss is a credit because it is profitable when returned.

10. Prof. of Economics: A kiss is that thing for which the demand is higher than the supply.

11. Prof. of Statistics: A kiss is an event whose probability depends on the vital statistics of 36-24-36.

12. Prof. of Philosophy: A kiss is the persecution for the child, ecstasy for the youth and homage for the old.

13. Prof. of English: A kiss is a noun that is used as a conjunction; it is more common than proper; it is spoken in the plural and it is applicable to all.

14. Prof. of Engineering: Uh, What? I’m not familiar with that term.